As I write this column, the mystery of the New Jersey drones remains unsolved. To end the suspense, I’ve decided to come clean. The drones are probes sent out by a mothership sent to bring Charles and me back to our home planet. (See undoctored photo for proof of our true identity. Photo credit, Kathy Byrnes. Not an alien.)

Because Charles and I live in Iowa, a.k.a. fly-over country (definitely the best place to be whether you’re evading aliens, rising seas, wildfires, costly housing, or insufferable coastal elites), our alien-homies never thought to look beyond “greater New York” to track us down. Silly aliens.

So, in the interest of ending this plague of drones ruining Christmas for New Jerseyans, Charles and I are turning ourselves in. Come get us, you bug-eyed bastards.

Charles and l will soon board the mothership for the long flight back to our home planet, where we expect to be tried for defamation for much of what we’ve said on this program over the past 15 years. Hey, it’ll probably turn out better for us than being sued for defamation by Donald Trump. Continue Reading →